If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

Communism is like one big phone company.

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.

I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.