If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.