I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.