The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

There are never enough I Love You's.