There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.