There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.