Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.