All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.