There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do.

I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.