If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.