If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish

I want to perform an unnatural act.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.