Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.

I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.