Guilt didn't put any butter on the bread of life.

If God did not intend the cat to live happily with humankind, why is there a meow in the middle of the word 'hoMEOWner'?

If you are reading a large newspaper, all spread out on the table, your cat will come and sit on the very paragraph you are reading, the talented cat draping her tail with miraculous precision over the very line you're not finished with.

From talk radio to insult radio wasn't really that much of a leap.

Catch a dog in your favorite chair, and he slinks away abashed. The cat will pretend incomprehension; surely you must know it's her chair?

To find his own salvation, a man must first find the fool locked inside himself and set it free.

A cat is better than you are, more honest, more graceful, smarter for her size, better coordinated, and infinitely more beautiful.