There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh.

Shirley! Don't call me Shirley!

I'm a professional actor. If I was a plumber, I wouldn't just do my plumbing in Beverly Hills bathrooms; I'd like to install air conditioning units and a few other things.

I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?

When you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.