Shirley! Don't call me Shirley!

You know it's very difficult to be an actor, and to have people depending on you to say the right line, at the right time, and to not be able to hear your cues! I can't tell you how many times I would've had to have said What? if I didn't have my hearing aids. So my hearing aids are a life saver, and they allow me to practice my craft.

Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.