I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

My hate of Apple has moved into a hate of Facebook.

We have fossils... We win!

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"

Every other civilized country has determined when life begins and it's something that eludes us. We've got things that have to be done! "We didn't fix that bridge because you are all down at the meeting house discussing abortion again."

How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. It's [a problem with] both parties, it's beyond belief.

Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation