It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.

Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.

Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now.

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny.

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.

If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school.