I hammer on a theme until I'm tired of it and the audience is tired of it.

These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.

The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down.

What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.

Everybody's family has different values.

My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.