When you're done [with writing a book], people tell you "Well, gee, I'm not interested." "Great, I'm glad I sat down and wrote this!"

Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.

You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.

We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas.

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.

If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'