Interesting thing about being rich is once you pay your taxes, you're still rich.

When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!

I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.

When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.