If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school.

The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.

If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.

My father painted, well into his 80s, what he called hard edge abstractions. It's really cool.

I don't care who wins because I go to sporting events to scream. It's the one place on the planet you can shout anything you want. You can bellow at will, and nobody will bother you. I yell things like, 'My life sucks! Dan Quayle is a schmuck! If I don't have sex soon, I'm going to explode!' Parents turn to their kids as I leave the stadium and go, 'Hey, there goes a great fan.

When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.

What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.