We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day.

I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!

FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass.