Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? You just take more and more of the calendar for yourself. It's unbelievable. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief. It's insane. When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it.

Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.

Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up 'The New York Times,' and I look at the front page and realize that once again I'm wrong. I start to fixate on stuff.

Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York.

I hammer on a theme until I'm tired of it and the audience is tired of it.

Macs are not intuitive. It's intuitive to the person who created it. It's not intuitive to me.

You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win.