Is a BJ adultery? What? Did I miss a day of school? Of course it is! Oral sex is adultery like Curling is an Olympic sport. The only thing is, oral sex should be in the Olympics because it's much harder than Curling, and if you're good at it, you DESERVE a medal!

It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!

We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.

There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.

We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.

There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.