Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!

I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out.

Whenever someone says they believe the earth was created in 7 days, I grab a fossil and say, Fossil. And if they keep talking, I throw it just over their heads.

I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.

I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. And I think that's the reason my act has become more political. I've become somewhat more of a political comic because the level of stupidity I've watched is staggering.

Usually I'm too tired to apologize.