The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas.

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.

Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app!

You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.

My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road.

Everybody's always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and they'd rile me. I'd yell and scream, and then it would just go back to normal in a few minutes. Everything else is probably rotting, but the blood pressure is spectacular.