It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!

One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich.

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.

When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.

The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas.