It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'

Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think.

These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.

My hate of Apple has moved into a hate of Facebook.