Here's why I think there's something a little odd with George Bush. Because a lot of the times when he speaks, his words don't match his face. Something is askew. You can't talk about the war with a smile on your face. He does it constantly. If you're the President, you should go We're going to talk about the war, I must have a frowny face. The only time you can smile when you're talking about the war in Iraq is when you go, Well, two Iraqis walk into a bar, hahaha.

When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.

I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.

I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.

Usually I'm too tired to apologize.

I've seen the end of the universe, and it happens to be in the United States and, oddly enough, it's in Houston, Texas. I know - I was shocked, too. Imagine my surprise when I left a comedy club one day and walked to the end of the block, and there on one corner was a Starbucks, and across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks, there was - a Starbucks. I looked back and forth, thinking the sun was playing tricks with my eyes. That there was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks - and that, my friends, is the end of the universe.

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.