Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.

Everybody's family has different values.

I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out.

Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.