When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.

Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app!

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!

You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win.