Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny.

If I get a week off, I'll go to a hotel that has a golf course. I like to come downstairs and go right onto the course. I'll do that five days in a row.

If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... was nuts! And for the first time ever, I went, 'Wow, it's not me!'

How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. It's [a problem with] both parties, it's beyond belief.