Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.

Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.

I am angry that the Democrats don't have the ability to explain to Republicans that we should be able to feed people in this country, and that is not socialism.

As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?

I never thought that Bill Clinton should be the president. When he was running to be the president of the United States, he said on over a hundred occasions, he said the following: He said, 'One of the great accomplishments while I was the governor of Arkansas, was to take my state in education from 50th to 49th.' And I thought, ' you know, Bill, you should keep that a secret.