I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up.

The road to success is always under construction.

Thank God kids never mean well

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.