There are three very good reasons to travel: 1. See the world. 2. Meet new people. 3. Room service.

As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.

Sex is probably the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.

A careful blending of sarcasm, irony, and teasing, bickering has its own distinctive cadence and rhythm and is as difficult to master as French, Spanish, or any elective second language. Like Chinese, the fine points of bickering can be discerned in the subtle rise and fall of the voice. If not practiced properly, bickering can be mistaken for its less sophisticated counterpart: whining.

Almost everything can be construed as sexual harassment depending upon the way it is said. One general rule of thumb is to think of your female co-workers as you would your sister. Yes, she is a woman. No, she is not a sexual object. Yes, your parents probably like her more than they like you.

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

As for breaking up, once the relationship is over, you never really know what went wrong; you just feel nauseous whenever the subject comes to mind. After a plane crash there's the black box that tells the FAA what caused the crack-up. Too bad there's no black box of relationships.