I could be a millionaire if I knew how to make stuff and wasn't afraid of electricity.

If you talk about yourself, he'll think you're boring. If you talk about others, he'll think you're a gossip. If you talk about him, he'll think you're a brilliant conversationalist.

Almost everything can be construed as sexual harassment depending upon the way it is said. One general rule of thumb is to think of your female co-workers as you would your sister. Yes, she is a woman. No, she is not a sexual object. Yes, your parents probably like her more than they like you.

My sister taught me everything I really need to know, and she was only in sixth grade at the time.

The strongest common bond between the genders is the universally acknowledged truth that both men and women are unhappy with their hair.

Tip the world over and everything loose falls into L.A.

Major fluctuations in weight gain and loss are detrimental to your health and embarrassing to explain to your friends and family.