every one of us possesses a gene predisposing us toward rivalry, competition, and fits of envy with any past, present, or future siblings.

desserts are the most crucial part of any meal.

Sex is probably the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.

As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.

I will not go out with a man who wears more jewelry than me, and I'll never, ever go to bed with a guy who calls me Babe. Other than that, however, I'm real flexible.

Tip the world over and everything loose falls into L.A.

When shopping at Dunkin' Donuts, pretend you are the mother of nine. Say things like, 'Little David likes cream-filled and Susie wanted jelly.' That way, no one will be suspicious when you order a dozen donuts with one cup of coffee to go.