I discovered, quite early in motherhood, that the longest and most painful deliveries occur when you give birth to stepchildren.

Sex is probably the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.

I discovered, quite early in motherhood, that the longest and most painful deliveries occur when you give birth to stepchildren.

I could be a millionaire if I knew how to make stuff and wasn't afraid of electricity.

When shopping at Dunkin' Donuts, pretend you are the mother of nine. Say things like, 'Little David likes cream-filled and Susie wanted jelly.' That way, no one will be suspicious when you order a dozen donuts with one cup of coffee to go.

As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.

desserts are the most crucial part of any meal.