Sex is probably the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.

When shopping at Dunkin' Donuts, pretend you are the mother of nine. Say things like, 'Little David likes cream-filled and Susie wanted jelly.' That way, no one will be suspicious when you order a dozen donuts with one cup of coffee to go.

My sister taught me everything I really need to know, and she was only in sixth grade at the time.

After living with Richard, I discovered that men are only good at cleaning stuff they can hose down.

As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

the three most common myths of modern romance: 1. Single men would prefer being married. 2. Married men actually leave their wives. 3. Men who wear gold chains give gold rings.