As for breaking up, once the relationship is over, you never really know what went wrong; you just feel nauseous whenever the subject comes to mind. After a plane crash there's the black box that tells the FAA what caused the crack-up. Too bad there's no black box of relationships.

I could be a millionaire if I knew how to make stuff and wasn't afraid of electricity.

Sex is probably the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.

Almost everything can be construed as sexual harassment depending upon the way it is said. One general rule of thumb is to think of your female co-workers as you would your sister. Yes, she is a woman. No, she is not a sexual object. Yes, your parents probably like her more than they like you.

Any idiot would know women's needs are simple. All we want is your basic millionaire brain surgeon criminal lawyer great dancer who pilots his own Lear Jet and owns seafront property. On the other hand, things being what they are today, most of us will settle for a guy who holds down a steady job and isn't carrying an infectious disease.

Tip the world over and everything loose falls into L.A.

every one of us possesses a gene predisposing us toward rivalry, competition, and fits of envy with any past, present, or future siblings.