Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.

I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.

Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.

You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?