We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.

Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.

You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.

I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.