I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning.

People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.

I just always loved comedy and I really wanted to be good at it. And it was heartbreaking, 'cause I started and I wasn't good at it. I was only 17-years-old, so I had a lot to learn about life in general. But I just kept on trying. I was young enough and stupid enough and I had no other choice. I had nothing else I was good at.

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.

I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.

If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.