Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.

You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

Maybe God is an asshole...of course not, he's not an asshole, he's imaginary.

You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.

Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better.

When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.