My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.
Louis C. K.I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.
Louis C. K.I do love standup. I love comedians. They're my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do.
Louis C. K.I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.
Louis C. K.If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.
Louis C. K.My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It's like 8 degrees out, and it's dark and she's got this morning face and I send her out there to take a bus. Meanwhile, my driver is sitting in a toasty Mercedes that's going to take me to work once both kids are gone. I could send her in the Mercedes and then have it come back to get me, but I can't have my kid doing that. I can't do that to her. Me? I earned that fโing Mercedes. You better fโing believe it.
Louis C. K.