If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."

Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if that's true.

I love stand-up more than anything, and I'm so happy to have found a way to use it in the show.

There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do.

I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is.

Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides.