If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."
Louis C. K.Iโm boredโ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that youโve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that youโre alive is amazing, so you donโt get to say โIโm bored.
Louis C. K.You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.
Louis C. K.One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street. I was with a friend who said to me, You just littered on the street! Don't you care about the environment? And I thought about it, and I said, You know what? This isn't the environment. This is New York City. New York City is not the environment. New York City is a giant piece of litter. Next to Mexico City, it's the shittiest piece of litter in the world. Just a pussy, runny, smokin', stinkin' piece of litter.
Louis C. K.