I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.

Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"

I don't feel those limits when I'm on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it's all comedy. Words. Thoughts. All thoughts are safe and worth exploring.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.

I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.