When I was a kid there was a show called 'Holmes & Yo-Yo' about a robot cop. I LOVED that show and I think it only lasted like three episodes.

It's just a big excuse to say awful things.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.'

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them - that's just the way I am they make me feel good about who I am.

You have to do a show as honestly as you can. But you also can't afford skepticism, because it's preparing for failure, which is useless.

If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.