I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.

If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.

If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor, you can't go - I guess there's forms of it.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.

You need to build an ability to just be yourself, and not be doing something.

People don't talk to me on airplanes.