I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.

When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.

I was an awkward kid.