Someday, one of your friends is gonna get divorced, it's gonna happen, and they're gonna tell you. Don't go, 'ohhhh I'm sorry.' That's a stupid thing to say. First of all you're making 'em feel bad for being really happy, which isn't fair. And second of all: divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it's true, because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It's really that simple.

My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.

Life's too short to be an asshole, as an employer or as an employee.

You can't answer a kid's question. A kid never accepts any answer. A kid never says, 'Oh, thanks. I get it.'... They just keep coming with more questions - why, why, why? - until you don't even know who the fk you are anymore at the end of the conversation. It's an insane deconstruction.

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff.

I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head.

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See?